Ms A 75r

[75r°] The refectory, which I was given charge of immediately after I received the Habit, furnished me, on more than one occasion, with the chance of putting my self-love in its proper place, i.e., under my feet. It’s true, I had the great consolation of having the same task as you, dear Mother, and of being able to study ^[5] your virtues at close range, but this closeness was the source of great suffering. I did not feel, as formerly, free to say everything to you, for there was the Rule to observe. I was unable to confide in you; after all, I was in Carmel and no longer at Les Buissonnets under the paternal roof!

The Blessed Virgin, nevertheless, was helping me prepare the dress of my soul; ^[10] as soon as this dress was completed all the obstacles went away by themselves. The Bishop sent me the permission I had sought, the community voted to receive me, and my Profession was fixed for September 8, 1890.

Everything I have just written in so few words would require many detailed pages, but these pages will never be read on this earth. Very soon, ^[15] dear Mother, I shall speak to you about everything in our paternal home, in that beautiful heaven toward which the sighs of our hearts rise!

My wedding dress was finally ready. It had been enriched by some old jewels given me by my Bridegroom, but this didn’t satisfy His liberality. He wanted to give me a new diamond containing numberless rays. ^[20] Papa’s trial, with all its sad circumstances, made up the old jewels, and the new one was a trial, small in appearance, but one that caused me to suffer intensely.

For some time now, our poor little Father was somewhat better. He was allowed to go out in a carriage, and there was question of his taking a trip by train to see us. Céline naturally thought that the best day to choose would be the day of my receiving the Veil. She wrote: “In order not to fatigue him too much, I will not have him

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