Ms A 74r

[74r°] I had no right to oblige Him to do my will instead of His own. I understood, too, that a fiancée should be adorned for her wedding day, and I myself was doing absolutely nothing about this. Then I said to Jesus:

“O my God! I don’t ask you to make Profession. I will wait ^[5] as long as you desire, but what I don’t want is to be the cause of my separation from You through my fault. I will take great care, therefore, to make a beautiful dress enriched with priceless stones, and when You find it sufficiently adorned, I am certain all the creatures in the world will not prevent You from coming down to me to unite me to Yourself forever, O my Beloved!”

^[10] I had already received, since my taking of the Habit, abundant lights on religious perfection, principally with regard to the Vow of Poverty. During my postulancy, I was content to have nice things for my use and to have everything necessary for me at my disposal. “My Director” bore this patiently, for He doesn’t like pointing everything out ^[15] at once to souls. He generally gives His light little by little.

(At the beginning of my spiritual life when I was thirteen or fourteen, I used to ask myself what I would have to strive for later on because I believed it was quite impossible for me to understand perfection better. I learned very quickly since then that the more one advances, the more one sees the goal is still far off. And now I am simply ^[20] resigned to see myself always imperfect and in this I find my joy.)

But let us return to the lessons “My Director” gave me. One evening, after Compline, I was looking in vain for our lamp on the shelves reserved for this purpose. It was during the time of Great Silence and so it was impossible to complain to anyone about my loss. I understood that a Sister, believing she was taking her lamp, picked up ours which I really needed. Instead of feeling annoyed at being thus deprived of it, I was really happy, feeling that Poverty consists in being deprived not only of agreeable things but

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